Sunday, June 17, 2007

O we are un-balconied!

It's father's day. Today we had a very "masculine" asana practice. Thank you, Shiva, for the soreness I'm going to have between my shoulder blades tomorrow. Thank you, Dad, for reading to me and for passing along the ability to survive strange medical ailments and be robust in spite of them!

Tomorrow they (several people, two different sets of contractors, including a helpful person named Alex) are going to begin redoing our balconies and stairs. I'll move Lester to the study so that he doesn't have to inhale paint fumes or any other fumes.

I'm giving a test tomorrow. It is a long test, and I did not write it myself.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I still have hives

Still.

I still have them. The hives, I mean.

Mark took me out for a birthday dinner! We were going to take the bus to a Cuban place in Oceanside, but the bus never came, so we went and had some Italian food in Carlsbad at Caldo Pomodoro. It was pretty good, although nothing astounding, but it was good to have something of a night out.

My binoculars came in the mail today!

We went hiking today!

I have hives. Still.

My left hamstring hurts. I did an asana practice on my own yesterday, but I don't think I cooled down correctly. The Anusara Yoga 101 with John Friend moves too slowly for me, so maybe I'll go back to an Ashtanga primary series for my home practice. I need sun salutations to get warm--otherwise I don't have any hope of getting into the most basic of asanas. Except for inversions and back bends--those I can randomly do no matter what.

Actually, I'm in a good mood. But this is not the best blog post. Ever.

Friday, June 15, 2007

I would like to have several layers of my skin removed and

other things, too.

I still have hives.

Today on break I was talking with two of my students, a Japanese woman and a young man from Italy.

Japanese woman: Most women here are sluts.
Italian man: Yeah, all the women I meet at bars are sluts.
Me: that is because you are going to slut bars.
Pause.
Me: The US is big, and there are many different kinds of people here, just like there are many different kinds of people in Europe.

I remember when I was going to a French school in Guangzhou, I started swearing frequently, because it's easy to swear in a foreign language, people think it's funny, and you don't really know what you're saying. I spent several months saying "bitch" and "shove it up your ass" until I realized what I was saying. Currently, my students like saying "bitch," "slut," and "hell."

We're a long way from a discussion about Feminism.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I like beets. Roasted beets and beet greens!

I have hives, again, all over my arms and legs. No clue why--I've eaten nothing I don't usually eat, except for beets, but the hives and the beets don't correspond. So.

It's good to be riding my bike and teaching again, but I miss the AM yoga.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The conversation, I think, was mostly OK, but

it made me nervous enough that I pulled aside all my female students on break to try and solicit their feelings about it, making it clear that if they were even the least bit uncomfortable, I'd make sure to channel future conversations about sex etc differently. They seemed very nonchalant, and even interested. I wish they'd comment in class more. I had two of the same female students in a smaller class, and they were both talkative.

In an ESOL class, you can go from talking about agro-business to sex very quickly. Sometimes it's difficult to predict where someone is going with a thought, because they are, after all, expressing their ideas in a language other than the one(s) they're used to using.

I didn't teach them the term "meat market," but I will tomorrow.

I'm always interested in what my students say about North County culture, and US culture in general. Today, two of my male European students wanted to know about house parties and breast surgery. Most of the male students make it to Hooters (just down the road) soon after their arrival. They mentioned that while out at bars (both are of age), they frequently speak with women who have had breast surgery and that sometimes these women encourage people to feel their breasts.

I'm sure this is all true. I'm not morally outraged, but I do find it an odd way to socialize. I enjoy telling people that my tan is fake but I don't tell them to rub my skin. I respect flirting through conversation. Anyone can grab and be grabbed. Also, I'm sure that there are plenty of breasts in Europe, especially on the beach, so I'm not sure I understand their particular enthusiasm. Perhaps fake breasts are particularly exciting?

Or maybe it's just that the myths about California and California girls are super strong. I'm hardly going to stand up in front of my class and say "my breasts and hair are not enhanced!" I've mentioned several times on this blog how folks on the east coast were commenting, sincerely, on my tan before I'd even left. One student went up to Orange County and was disappointed because it wasn't as exciting as "The OC." I've never actually seen that show, but maybe I need to start watching it, because that is where a lot of my foreign students seem to be getting their information about SoCal.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

OK, sometimes employment is useful

I like most of my students. Most of my students like me. Teaching is at least social, and I get to talk about grammar. I get to ride my bike everyday. I get more paychecks, and more sun. I teach about 10 minutes inland, which is just enough to make it sunnier there more often in June.

Thanks to a combination of gift certificates and birthday finds, I have binoculars and a binocular harness arriving in the mail, as well as Sibley's guide to birds of the western US.

Monday, June 11, 2007

I am attempting to be cheerful, because that is my nature

But having my birthday on the Monday before I go back to work again is kind of crappy. It feels like the last Sunday of the summer, except that it is Monday and the summer is still ahead of me. There will be many birthday celebrations all month long, but right now all I can think about is having to get up at 6:30 tomorrow, how employment is necessary but awful, how I am now in the 30th year of my life, as 29. That 29 is still very young makes it more ridiculous and more awful.

But I might as well enjoy these dramatic, tragic feelings--Mark and I are going to watch "Caged."

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Love and hate are abstract, but what happens when you love and hate is not abstract.

Twice this week I've heard women talk about ex husbands / boyfriends / partners as having been "in control of the remote" or "the one controlling the channel changer." I was turning this metaphor over in my head during shavasana today. It implies that the men were in control of the relationship, but it also implies that the women think of themselves or their lives as being like television. Whoever controls the remote is more or less a person sitting on the sofa and this is supposed to symbolize agency? I understand the idea, but as a mechanism for conceptualizing agency and romantic relationships, I find it a bit disturbing. What would be a positive relationship, one where you each get to use the channel changer equally?

Saturday, June 09, 2007

I know that no one gives a(n) (explicative) about Oman but

My family is OK. The cyclone hit them on Tuesday night and continued through Wednesday. Their home had mostly water damage, only, but they spent most of the night holed up in a small bathroom--the driest room in the house. According to Mary, my sisters were great-- the whole thing was "an adventure in their eyes." I'm so proud of them! They're in a hotel now as the house has no water or power, but will eventually be habitable again.

Several of our friends in Muscat live near or more or less in wadis (dry river beds), and they really did loose everything--their entire homes/neighborhoods were flooded.

Dad arrived back in Muscat from Sohar on Thursday morning. Normally I'm not pro huge cars and 4 wheel drives, but in this case they proved to be essential.

Even though I deeply enjoy romantic escapism...

Frank Sinatra is not my favorite anything. I especially abhor his slow songs with strings. "Nancy (with the Laughing Face)" is one of my least favorite songs. If I'm going to listen to Sinatra, he'd better be singing with a big band, and there'd better be over the top horns--"Come Fly with me" or "Luck be a Lady," for example.

We had friends over for dinner last night. I mashed lamb meat and onions and bulgar and other things to make kibbeh with joy and energy! I am so happy that my eyes are closed!

Mark and I went to the Daly Ranch this morning for a nice, moderately strenous hike. Heading east past Escondido, the landscape looks more or less like this until you get over the mountains and into the desert.

Friday, June 08, 2007

There were a few shots of Muscat post-typhoon on the weather channel yesterday evening.

Flooding, mostly. The news is mostly about what the typhoon will do to oil production. Oman isn't a huge producer of oil compared with some of its neighbors, but it does produce some.

I'm making a kind of kibbeh for dinner this evening--one that doesn't need to be put in a pastry crust or fried--instead, it will be baked and then have a topping of some sort, I haven't decided what. Mincing the lamb meat last night proved more than my food processor could handle, so I ended up cutting it and then pounding it with my potato masher while Mark and I hung out and watched basketball.

Lester has a feather stuck in his nose. I'd thought he was finished molting, but he had several new pin feathers this week, so he's been taking a lot of showers. Warm water helps soften the waxy stuff around the new feathers so it comes off easier during preening. And Lester enjoys bathing even when he's not molting.

I'm tutoring and working on a web page for someone today. On Tuesday I go back to teaching ESOL in the morning. I'll be glad to teach again, not so glad to get up at 6:30.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

This blog is not about how I feel

If you were smart you could more or less guess that. Feelings are important but obvious.

Commentary

Yesterday, a guy yelled"hey mamasita" at me as I was coming home from the market. A drunk guy hanging out on the bluffs above the beach giggled at me as I walked by, both coming at going. I rarely receive this kind of commentary here in Carlsbad. Usually it's just random people saying "hello." Last year around Halloween, people threw eggs at me, and also people like to yell the color of my t-shirt at me: "go greeeeen!" or "go bluuuuue!" I might have blogged about this before, but once someone yelled "slut!" at me from their pick up truck as I ran by. But they were stopped at a stop light. So I stopped, looked at them, and yelled, "Bitch tools!"

No news from Dad or Mary about Oman, the typhoon, and how they're doing. The Cyclone has passed over Muscat at this point. My family lives within a mile of the beach so it's quite possible that there's been some flooding.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Typhoon Gonu Update

Well, Mary wrote to say that as of very early this morning, the eye of the typhoon was about to pass over Muscat, and that the water is rising pretty rapidly, but thus far the first floor isn't flooded--they've just been doing a lot of mopping. Parts of Muscat tend to flood fairly easily because most of the roads anywhere are built on dry wadis, so they become natural channels for the water with any little bit of rain.

Dad's up in Sohar helping everyone in the job site evacuate. I'm sure that's fun.

I suspect that my sisters might even be having a good time--there are several other families that live in the same compound, so I'm sure that the kids are hanging out together during the day. I probably would have enjoyed it when I was 9ish, regardless of whether or not the situation were actually dangerous.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Power walking is not cool

Recently, I have been walking for an hour instead of running for a half-hour for exercise. I like walking--in fact I realize that I enjoy it immensely--but I feel like a complete tool for calling it "exercise."

When I lived in Washington, DC, I easily walked more than an hour a day. I've been walking because I miss it. I think I used to process a good portion of my obsessions and worries while walking to and from work, teaching, meeting friends, grocery shopping, errands, etc. I don't think I've come up with an effective replacement.

I am not getting fat, but I would be if I weren't making a major effort to make up for the fact that the suburbs are structured to prevent me (and everyone) from actually moving.
Tropical Cyclone Gonu--a category 5--hit the coast of Oman yesterday. This is the strongest storm to hit Oman since 1977. The storm will have lost some momentum by the time it reaches Muscat, but everyone is nervous.

Monday, June 04, 2007

A situation in which further progress is impossible

"San Diego, in a word, is a natural 'cul-de-sac.' This is a term that its promoters have always despised, but it accurately describes the bay's isolation by its bordering maze of high mountains and deep canyons." P. 23 (in Mike Davis' section), Under the Perfect Sun: The San Diego Tourists Never See.

This is why all trains run through LA.

I agree with Obama, most people don't need an inscentive to get health care.

I wasn't hear to witness it (Mark was), but a jay attacked the finch nest, so the babies fledged a bit early, and one of them didn't make it. Mark did chase away the jay, but it followed them to the bushes. The finches did rally--which is why two of the nestlings did survive.

There are a few hawks in the area right now, but they seem mostly to be focused on the young crows and ravens. Everyone needs to eat, and the predators and scavengers need to get a break every so often.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I ate an excellent reuben sandwich today at Mariah's in Carlsbad.

The baby finches will fledge any day now. The day or two leading up to the fledge always makes me a bit hyper and nervous. There is always one precocious nestling that starts trying its wings early and looking out of the nest with interest. This nest is in the eaves of our balcony roof (can a balcony roof have eaves?) just in front of and above our door. Every time we come or go we're eye to eye with the three baby finches.

Lester attacked his bucket today with particular vigor.

I went for a long walk after the reuben sandwich. The weather was terrible today, cloudy, overcast, and yet there were still a lot of people at the beach. Parts of the state beach had red flags posted, but people were going in the water anyway.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Really, I am a jerk

To do/bla bla bla

1. Become obsessed with the local, especially the local flora and fauna and the local architecture/suburbanscape.

2. Write something that is of no definable genre. Write in floaty prose (I already do) about alienated females (I do this too)

Note: I am intelligent and hot and love my boyfriend and live in a conservative city with poor infrastructure at the edge of the world. Doesn't the haze of this post give all that away?

Recent dead animals on the beach: at least 5 seals (I've lost count), many Humboldt squid, and one pelican.

Today feels muggy. I guess we don't know what "muggy"means anymore.

I haven't seen any, but Humboldt squid have been washing ashore all month, from San Diego to Encinitas. It's not clear why they're washing ashore, although according to the Tribune, it might have something to do with El Niño weather patterns. Squid usually come north from Mexico in advance of major tropical weather. That might explain why there are so many of them here, but it doesn't explain why they're washing up on the beaches by the hundreds.

According to National Geographic, Humboldt squid beach themselves in California every few years: "
In 2002 thousands of squid filled the beach at La Jolla Cove north of San Diego, California. Last month at least 1,500 of the squid ended up on beaches between San Diego and Los Angeles." Also, the squid don't seem to be washing up dead on the shores. Instead, they swim into shallow water and get trapped on the beach.

Humboldt squid are supposedly quite aggressive. They can be "elusive and cannibalistic." According to Scott Cassell, who made a documentary about them called "Search for the Red Demon," these squid will attack. "They have a sharp beak, eight muscular arms and two retractable feeding tentacles that allow them to attack their prey with more than 40,000 needle-sharp teeth at once." Ooo!

There was a spill off the coast of Encinitas yesterday. According to the Tribune it was "somewhere between 500 to 1,000 gallons of some type of petroleum product. It smells like gasoline or diesel fuel." Scott Henry, the Chief of Encinitas fire division, said the mess is the worst spill he's seen in 27 years.

I'm not sure why the firemen are the ones dealing with a diesel spill in the ocean. The Tribune doesn't say much about wildlife, except to say that thus far "there has been no discernible impact" although the Tribune did note that a kelp bed off Beacon's Beach acted as a kind of natural barrier--that can't be good for the kelp. Mostly the article talks about how the spill cancelled the Switchfoot Bro-Am surf competition, and that the fumes of the spill are toxic and could cause health problems. Yay!

I can't find any mention of the dead seals in the news. I don't remember there being any dead seals on the beach last May, but that doesn't mean that there weren't any.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I'm a bit amazed that there was a time in my life when I used words and phrases like "nuclear socialism" and "ops mounting dialogue."

I proofread, again, the first serial poem ("If this isn't an interview I don't know what to say") in my manuscript and am happy with it. The diction/vocabulary in this series is laced with wonky DC think tank language and references to the research into missile defense systems and US-China relations: "At least headhunters understand pain. If it doesn't blow up, I'm not going to write about it." I remember writing poems from staff meeting and briefing notes. I'm also noticing that these poems have lots of line breaks. Crazy line breaks. I haven't been able to really write anything with line breaks in months. This manuscript reminds me that I can do it.

We bought Rum today to make dark and stormys. It's supposedly going to be hot here next week (that means maybe in the 80) and that's a perfect time to have rum and ginger beer over ice on the balcony. They're too sweet for me to have more than one, and it's worth it to get super good ginger beer with a nice bite.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Things that are true

I went to the farmers market today and bought many greens. The usual kale etc but then also other greens I don't know the names of. And I bought tamales for dinner--pork with green chili, made without lard. They are really good.

It is sunny.

Lester is fluffy.

I live in California.

I am working on another web page for someone.

I tutored today.

I am going to go for a run.

I will put on sunblock before I do that.

I bought milk at Albertsons.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Month of Maying is nearly over. Let's sing.

Last year in May Lester and I recorded a duet. I tried to record a new duet--but my computer refuses to acknowledge that it has any recording devices. It's too bad, because Lester has all sorts of new sounds, including a variety of excited and mournful whistles.
Oh, please, please no more poems by Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Danna Faulds at the beginning and end of yoga classes. Couldn't we just branch out a little? We could read Rumi's quatrains. We could read Hafiz. We could read from...the Yoga Sutras or the Mahabharata. Or Joanne Kyger. Or Hafiz. Or Gary Snyder. Or Rilke. Or a bazillion other things. I'm sick of cliched abstract poems about finding balance.

Monday, May 28, 2007

What else is everywhere like birds

A few days ago I decided that there are too many birds in poems.

I live with a bird.

There is yet another set of nesting finches in the roof of our balcony (the third set this spring).

There are little sparrows that peck at the window of my study.

Yesterday morning there was a blue jay hovering over my bicycle, more startled than territorial, fortunately.

Flocks of migrating pelicans fly over my head every time I go for a walk or run.

A someone I know is trying to leave the country. And, of course, many people are trying to come to this country.

I am not a vegetarian and San Diego is cold.

When you begin to notice birds, you notice that birds are everywhere. What else is everywhere?

sex
dust
mythology
wall-to-wall carpet
miscommunication
nostalgia
pollen
isolation

Sunday, May 27, 2007

My pride and my fear are playing smoochy face

It is memorial day weekend, so there are many children visiting their fathers and mothers separated from their mothers and fathers.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I'm almost done putting together a book manuscript

And I'd like to send it to people for feedback. I have a few folks in mind, but if anyone has the time and inclination and would like a copy, I'll gladly send it to you. I don't have any chapbooks to send now, so I can send manuscripts (although I will have something for Dusie shortly). I'm prone to being secretive about my work and also to noodling. I have been noodling too long.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Thursday, May 24, 2007

When I go to the grocery store

The women and men who bag my groceries often wish to have confessional conversations about their eating habits. Today, a young woman was talking about sugar. "There's sugar in everything, you can't avoid it," she said. I smiled at her, already feeling like a total snothead for buying so many vegetables. "I drink coke every day. I was raised on it. I can't just stop drinking it." I was not raised on coke or soda. When I lived overseas, I'd drink Sprite sometimes if the water wasn't always good and I was too young to have alcohol. Or in southeast Asia I'd drink 100+, which was really good--a kind of carbonated Gatorade, but with less sugar and a lot more bland. It probably would be really good for me when I'm sick to my stomach. I felt like I should say something so I said, "Well, everyone will eat and drink the things that they like." She wasn't satisfied. It was a pretty lame comment. I could have said, "Soda is gross" or "have you tried diet soda" (I know little about how diet soda tastes) or "Soda is bad for you, stop drinking it and instead buy beets and fennel like me." I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't scolding or moralistic, but that is what she seemed to want.

Usually Mark and I go grocery shopping together. Sometimes, however, I go pick up a few items at the local Albertsons. There, it's not the people bagging the groceries but the older folks in line with me that want to confess. Usually they are buying a lot of frozen dinners. Because they live alone. Once, the woman behind me was buying a lot of frozen lasagna for one, and I was buying things to make a turkey spinach lasagna. The woman said, "I can cook lasagna. I love lasagna. With turkey. And spinach." For a moment I got all movie sentimental and thought I should invite her to dinner. But the older women who speak to me are often hostile and crazy. She didn't seem hostile, just defensive.

I am going to prepare lunch

I'm having trouble writing things. I wish that blogger wouldn't mess with my spacing. But that is not why I'm having trouble.

I've been consciously eating more fruit and vegetables this week. Fruit and vegetables with every meal and at least two fruit/vegetable snacks during the day.

Increasingly I'm writing in complete sentences. I want line breaks, so when I type up my drafts, I insert line breaks.

I think writing in my notebook is too slow and contemplative. If I try to write while sitting on my balcony, I usually end up writing about bird song and stuff. I love birds, but there are too many references to birds in post-avant writing. One must be careful about the use of animals in poems. I'm a sucker for lyric + birds, but sentimentalism makes me cringe because I am often sentimental about animals and baby animals. It's just a step from loving the cute fluffy bird to loving the cute fat baby and then the angelic mother baking a cake. Feeling sentimental about something is very close to thinking that it isn't important, or supposedly can't really be important in the real world.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Today I went for a walk on the beach. I saw several flocks of pelicans, many California squirrels, and also a rabbit.

The blue trolley line that runs from down town San Diego to the border is in bad shape and needs to be repaired. But apparently we need more freeways instead of better public transportation.
The blue line "has an average weekday ridership of 58,400, more than the trolley system's two other lines combined."

~

Other people have clean fingernails. Why can't I?

~

I made designs for yoga t-shirts today. Tank tops, actually.

~

My left hamstring attachment kills. Sitting for long periods of time is really uncomfortable. Not in a sharp way, in a dull, annoying way.

found a hobo in my room

Whatever happened to "hyakugojyuuichi?"

Monday, May 21, 2007

Weird and Obvious

Now it's two nights in a row I've dreamed about brothels and lakes. A friend from high school was arguing with me about "brothel benefits" and wanted me to join her brothel by a lake. The water in the lake looked a lot like the water in the rivers in the jungle mountains of Bhutan and the brothel was in a nunnery.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

In San Diego, the difference between what is "real" and what is "fake" is complicated. They're nearly the same thing.

Mark, Lester & I feasted on Hout Bi Batata Wa Tamatem (Roast Cod with Potatoes & Tomatoes) this evening. Unlike the last time I attempted this dish, I used a cast iron pan, so the potatoes didn't stick, and I used mahi mahi. Yum! Lester enjoys fish, especially a meaty one like mahi mahi or salmon or tuna.


Mark's friend Jim (of Rock Town Hall) was in town for a conference, so we met him in San Diego this afternoon for Kansas City BBQ (yes, the Top Gun place--it's really very good) and then went to the Hotel Del Coronado to wander around and have a drink. The place reminds me of Miss Marple and the Shining and also a fake fantasy version of the old colonial hotels in southeast Asia--Raffles in Singapore, for example, which opened at about the same time as the Del (Raffles in 1887 and the Del in 1888)

I liked it. The next time I go, I'll make sure to wear my gold leather sandals, a tunic, and large sunglasses. It was all very mythological and ahistoric. Well, not quite ahistoric--Queen Anne revival architecture in California has to be concerned with history and tradition, sort of. It wants to evoke history as a feeling/aura and not a fact.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Getting Better


I had kind of a dinner last night--a cup of cold cooked rice and lentils-- and several glasses of Pernod super diluted with water. It soooooothes the stomach. And I had kind of a breakfast this morning, so I'm on the mend. I'm a seasoned traveler. Sometimes I don't get sick at all, and then sometimes I have major nausea. I have swooned and fainted on many trains.

...

I just spilled my tea all over my lap.

...

When I was in Oman, I told people I was visiting from Washington, DC. In Vancouver, I told people I was visiting from San Diego, CA. In DC it was kind of fun and ironic to look Californian (at least to someone from the East Coast). Here, my very blond hair and love of 70s style are no longer ironic. Maybe they were never ironic.

Friday, May 18, 2007

O bright, gem-like flame, where have you gone?!


We're back from Vancouver. I'm in the process of posting pictures and so on. We had a totally fabulous time. However, I got sick on the way to the airport (fortunately not before then) and remain sick. I am chewing on a piece of candied ginger. Cross your fingers for me.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

T minus < 1 day / We're Reading at Kootenay!

I get final papers for my online class this evening. By 3 am. I am either going to stay up late or get up early and grade them. And then we are going to Vancouver. Mark is giving a reading on Friday and a talk on Sunday, and I'm giving a reading on Sunday. Ye Haw! Eee! Etc.

http://www.kswnet.org/

Friday, May 11, 2007 @ 8 pm

Spartacus Books
319 West Hastings

" If MARK WALLACE did the comedy circuit, all that big hair and those sweet drinks would riot in the streets. Nothing Happened and Besides I Wasn't There is a series of one to six line stanzas all revamping the idea of the one-liner. But the joke is always frightening, a world where the 2x4s pounding the cat are hitting our heads and they hurt damn it, as they always make us stop and consider what we are. He is the existential joker: if Batman met the poet and it was for real."
--Juliana Spahr

RACHEL ZOLF writes of her most recent book, Human Resources: "Human Resources makes a vain attempt to answer Anne Carson's question around Paul Celan's poetry: "What is lost when words are wasted and where is the human store to which such goods are gathered in?" The subject of the book, a poet, wastes words writing "plain language" marketing and employee communications for pay, turning into a kind of writing (or rhetoric) machine in the process. As the two worlds of poetry and plain language collide, overlap and merge in the book, we enter a nonsense state of fractured subjectivity, experiencing the psychic cost of selling things with depleted words. Psychoanalytic, general-economic and transmission-theory rhetorics fed into the writing machine are spit out as bungled associations among money, shit, art production and communication. In the end, the new-look body without organs organizing the text is semi-recuperated through ethical confrontations with the multiple voices within and without her, while her book-machine frame crumbles before it can really form."

Sunday, May 13, 2007 @ 2:00 pm

Kootenay School of Writing
309 - 207 West Hastings

A talk by Wallace + a reading by Graham

"I have seen Graham's work compared to that of the late Kathy Acker, she's got something of Acker's sexual frankness, voracious intake, the sense that anything can come into the writing, but even if she isn't, you know, Kathy Acker she's got something that Acker never had. I can't really characterize it right now, but I'm a sucker for Graham's writing and this is the best example of it I can name." - Kevin Killian, on Graham's book Terminal Hunting

Monday, May 07, 2007

T minus 3 days

I am sore. My pincha mayurasana continues to improve, and I don't really even need the wall anymore. I like back bends and I like being upside down--both are the opposite of what I do all day, so pincha has become one of my favorite asanas. I've also been working drop backs to urdhva dhanurasana, although I still need the wall to come up.

May and June in San Diego are usually overcast and cold, but today it is 75. Unseasonably warm. There are dudes swimming in the little swimming pool. Lester and I are having a pity party. Poor us, we have to work. Well, only I have to work. I am grading and Lester is molting. His mood has improved, and he hasn't screeched once yet today. He took a shower, which always helps the pin feathers.

I don't think classification essays should be taught in composition classes. They just encourage students to make stereotypes and be overly-general.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Gold lame is OK. As long is it is not in suit form. Pant suit form. Skirt suit, maybe.

Friday, May 04, 2007

But we're going to Vancouver next week!

Tonic from the tap is terrible. I think the only gin & tonic with both proper gin and proper tonic I've ever had outside the comfort of my own home was at Fox & Hounds in Dupont Circle.

My ESL class finished the unit on corporal punishment and spanking. Now we've moved on to a unit about marriage. I don't make these units up myself. In general, the books I'm using (Northstar) are much better than most other intermediate ESL textbooks I've used, but in-class discussion doesn't work if everyone is too tired or bored to talk. I'm used to having several students who have enough energy to help stir the class so I don't have to carry it all on my own.

This particular class fears any questions where they have to talk about their own opinions. After a particularly painful discussion where I more or less had to extract thoughts out of everyone with yes/no questions, I looked at them and said, "Well, we can listen to the ticking of the clock together, or you can pretend that you're awake like I'm pretending that I'm awake." I miss having mostly adult students who are spending their own money to pay for classes.

It's been a particularly long week.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I don't give extra credit

If you were me, where would you send work? I won't ask why you would send it there (if you were me), but you can tell me that if you want, too.

Tricky of me asking this question of you when you haven't seen the poems and objects in question, perhaps.

Lester is grumpy and molting, but still very handsome and brave.

There are now sparrows nesting in our balcony roof, so I get to fuss and worry about hatchlings and fledglings all over again. And there are also some ravens nesting in the tree outside the window of my study. And then I saw three hawks being chased by jays this afternoon as I was teaching TOEFL. I only have two students, so I took them outside. I saw the hawks and pointed to them and got excited and they got excited and we stood on the picnic table for a while watching them. They'd never seen hawks before, let alone smaller birds attacking hawks.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

There is a house a few blocks a way that has a fake grass lawn. Not Astroturf, but lush, dark green, soft cushy fake grass. It is both inside the fence and then also on the little strip of earth between the sidewalk and the street. They have extended their wall to wall carpet outside.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Prudence was tired but wouldn't take her nap

Somehow, I managed to get on the 6:50 bus this morning. I'm not sure how I got up, got dressed etc, rode to Oceanside, got my coffee, and made it to the bus stop in time. The bus driver didn't recognize me (because I usually get the 7:05 bus) and yelled at me for having coffee, which I'm not supposed to have on the bus. I said, "the OTHER bus drivers are cool with it," and sat down.

I had only one student in the TOEFL class this afternoon, but that was just as well. I'm glad enough to be teaching this class, but teaching TOEFL is boring. About as boring as preparing to take the TOEFL, I'm sure. Someone stole her clothes out of the dryer this weekend, so I structured most of the speaking exercises around the topics of laundry, style, theft, and crime.

I worked on a few design projects this afternoon. I pretended I understand Bezier curves. I'm trying to make a logo and am totally out of ideas. I didn't actually have any ideas for this particular project in the first place. I want a huge huge flatbed scanner and some paint because right now I'm bored with manipulating letter-objects in Illustrator.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

I can now find my way from Redcat to Little Tokyo and back. I could probably make it to Hollywood from there as well. Maybe to Eagle Rock.

I always have fun when I go to LA. Was especially glad to hear Caroline Caroline Bergvall and Dodie Bellamy read/speak.

I am drinking pinot noir, which is kind of a rare event for me.

I'll be compiling my notes this week and scanning my doodles, which are more texty than usual.

I had some good ramen in little Tokyo and also some good potato tacos.

Several people mentioned Jessica Benjamin and intersubjectivity, which made me happy.

I like the people that I know in LA.

WACK! is a large, amazing show--I couldn't really absorb it all in a few hours. I did sit down and watch all of the short films I could, including several Yoko Ono pieces that I probably should have seen already but hadn't.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

More cooking thoughts

The Roasted Peppers with Chickpeas and Goat Cheese was unexpectedly good. I thought it might be kind of bland and basic, but that was the one starter that everyone ate up.

I'm fond of Zaalouk, especially when accompanied by yogurt and olives, but its no good for people who don't like eggplant.

The Fish Cakes were also very good, but I don't think I used a firm enough fish--they didn't really hold together enough with red snapper. They'd probably work best with halibut or mahi mahi. Also, I poached them in a kind of spicy tomato sauce, which was one of the cookbook's suggestions. I think that this made me feel too much like I was eating meatballs, even though they tasted nothing like meatballs. Next time, I'll use a firmer fish and pan fry them.

The Roast Cod with Potatoes and Tomatoes tasted a lot like the bacalhau that Lija made for Mark and I when we visited her and John Havelda in Porto. But less salty, since I didn't use salted Cod. My potatoes also stuck to the bottom of the pan. Next time I will make this in my cast iron dutch oven.

The chicken was super good. I like how many Arab and middle eastern cuisines pair sweet and savory flavors. I like fruit with meat, and the combination of pears and caramelized shallots wasn't overly sweet.

The Couscous with spring vegetables was also good, though basic. I'm not sure I did a good job with the broth. I didn't have patience for the couscous when I made it.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Recent cookings

For now, I'm focusing on Morocco, although eventually I'll try some recipes from Turkey & Lebanon.

Zaalouk (Mashed Eggplant & Tomato Salad)

Felfa Wal Hummas Wa Jban (Roasted peppers & Chickpeas with Goat Cheese)

Kefta Bil Hout (Fish Cakes)

Hout Bi Batata Wa Tamatem (Roast Cod with Potatoes & Tomatoes)

Djaj Bil Bouawid (Chicken with Caramelized Baby Onions & Pears)

Kesksou L'Hodra (Couscous with Spring Vegetables)

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Also, Mark reported that three ravens chased a hawk out of the yard today.

I got up early because I was worried that the fledgling might still be on my bike and therefore I'd have to walk and take two buses to work instead of riding my bike. It had, in fact, slept on my bike all night. The bird watched me come out the door. When I closed the door, it ruffled it's feathers and flew alway--all the way across the yard to another building. By the time I came home, everyone had fledged.

Monday, April 23, 2007

One of the house finch chicks fledged about five minutes after I got home. S/he fluttered out of the next and landed on my bicycle rack, and has been there ever since. I didn't ride my bike to yoga because the chick was still sitting on the rack, and when I returned this evening from yoga, the chick was still there. It looks feathered, although there is a tuft of baby down on its head.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

But, honestly, I didn't think I could actually become blonder.

My hair is getting even blonder, and my eyebrows are turning blond. I've blogged about this before. It disturbs me. I never used to have blond eyebrows. Always blond hair and dark eyebrows and eyelashes. I like the color of my hair. Maybe now that my eyebrows are lighter, people will stop asking me if I dyed it and what shade it is.

In college, I went through a few years of dying it red, then brown, and it was also pink and blue. I just don't look punk even with punk hair. Then I bleached it and it was sort of a baby chic yellow. Then I bleached it again and it was white and half of it fell out. Then I stopped dying it and grew it out, and now it is the color that it is, seven years later.

A friend mentioned that in the town where she lives (according to her hair stylist) salons constantly have to restock two very specific shades of blond--one ash and one honey. The college girls' hair doesn't just look like it's the same color, it really is the same color.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

And also the cat in the tree is bothering the finches

And normally I like the cat, though he is needy and I think his owner is spacey and doesn't take care of him. The finches are feeding the baby finches who are nesting under our balcony awning, and I chased Finley the cat away several times, twice from our balcony and once from the tree. I was nervous enough last year when the baby finches fledged, and there wasn't even a frisky cat around. The Black Cat in the Green Grass is not a threat to the birds. He just purrs and smells flowers. Really.

And also also this: It is a good thing that people cannot be arrested for not breaking the law even if it seems they are likely to. This doesn't make me feel safe, more institutional safety wouldn't make me feel safe either. And then there's feeling safe and being safe. I think back to the students I've known personally or indirectly who did commit suicide or were violent. Often there were no particular warning signs in their creative work.

But Living, etc.


I've been a bad, bad blogger.

Yesterday in my ESOL class I tried to teach jokes. Normally, I wouldn't do a "unit" on jokes until the advanced intermediate level. My students are smart, but they're at a beginning intermediate level, and the jokes didn't quite work. I talked about puns, knock-knock and light bulb jokes. I told them why the chicken crossed the road. They looked at me. Finally, one of them said: "I see. The question is very strange, but the answer is very serious. It is funny."

Catherine Wagner read at CSUSM on Thursday, and we had fun hanging out with her and Ambrose this weekend. I'll post doodles etc later.

Next weekend: Feminaissance et WACK!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

fanatic

[fhu-nat-ik]
noun: a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal, as in religion or politics.

Or guns.

And nothing new or useful is going to come from this awful tragedy, either. The boring, gross, cliched argument that "guns don't kill people, people do" is already being made. Again.

A friend of mine was shot last January--he's ok because it hit him in the elbow, but he described it as a random, "I got a gun for Christmas" shooting.

Monday, April 16, 2007

C'est quoi ca?

I'm not sure I know where post-avant work begins and ends. Or, I suppose what I mean is that I don't know when the term "post-avant" begins and ends.

I've seen flarf referred to as "post-avant"

I've seen Rae Armatrout referred to as a "leading post-avant poet."

I've read that "post-avant" is an intra-generational term for Language Poetry but also now a style that "ambitious young MFA'ers study."

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Various Ye Haws

I have new book making and binding supplies.

I will pick up the bike on Tuesday. It will have new brakes and and a new saddle! I will have a better helmet! Eee!

I'm going to be teaching a TOFEL preparation class this month.

I wrote another poem today but will not post it!

I met people yesterday that I will probably never speak to again.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Design Note

Avoid weird gutter jumps when working with images of people's faces.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Having working front and back breaks will improve my commute, no doubt.

Had drinks with a friend and her husband. Being social always feels good. Today was a beautiful SoCal day of the sort that visitors expect, and I was glad to be outside for most of it, even while driving down the 101 (listening to Pavement). I took the bike to REI to get it overhauled--new brakes, new saddle, a rack. The frame is a solid metal Gary Fisher original , and after the tune up, it's going to be even better.

Once I was over at REI I got coffee at somewhere in the Forum and did some editing. The music the upbeat yet soft jazz they pipe in everywhere is terrible.

I've been diligently reading through Krause's Design Basics Index, and it's been very helpful. I'm intuitively a pretty good designer, my clients think so, but this book is giving me the grammar of design. It explains the structures that design uses to talk about itself. It's very helpful.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Batter my heart, etc.

Ok, other than Rumi, Hafiz, and Khalil Gibran, can you think of any poets that are actually good and whose poems might appeal to yogis? Rilke, obviously. Who else? Does anyone have a favorite John Donne quote that, um, a SoCal yogi might wear on a, um, t-shirt?

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Catching up on reading

Sandra Beasley's Small Kingdom (Tinyside #30, Big Game Books). Snuggly domesticity and animals, itemized objects and lots of sorting. Implications of hoarding and then cleaning out. Compare beloved to plants and other objects: "The way we must make all loves smaller before they can enter our kingdom."

Joanna Fuhrman's Clone School (Tinyside #28, Big Game Books): Like a cabinet of curiosities, or a carnival, or at the carnival. Titles evoke a contemporary Art Deco or Fin du Siecle aesthetic like "By the Skeletons of Hurdy-gurdy Monkeys and Other Journeys Toward Nanotechnology." Lots of interaction between animate and inanimate objects/beings--"The house made of birds of paradise fronds / kicked me out." Bodies are usually in pieces--a dancer's limb, a lover's tongue.

Friday, April 06, 2007

What if I am

the bourgeois boy Bernadette Mayer is tired of taking to the airport?

Naw. I don't like being taken or taken to the airport. Nor do I like to take others to the airport. Especially bourgeois boys who can only go back to ancestral comforts.

Juliana Spahr was just in town. I like hearing her read her work. The hypnotic, incantatory elements of it work well on the ear. My ear.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Monday, April 02, 2007

They are killing me

The community college applications are overwhelming and exhausting. The forms are long, excessive, and repetitive. I used another set of similar but different forms that I filled out for another community college job to fill out the forms for this job. I noticed two typos and also that my jobs were not listed in exact chronological order.

Both sets of forms want me to list every single relevant job since college. In my case, this means 17 jobs, and that doesn't include the jobs that aren't relevant to the position or temporary work or the jobs I did in between the relevant jobs. So, I have had 17 jobs relevant to this position since I graduated from GW in May 2000. That is a lot of jobs. I am so employable! So versatile! So adaptable! And yet they only give me 4 spaces, so I had to recreate their forms to accommodate my job history. This leads me to worry that perhaps I am not the kind of person they want to hire, even though of course I am a fabulous teacher and like community college students because they are diverse and interesting and have had experience in the world. And I am also office worthy. I can file! I can write grant proposals. I can bear staff meetings (sort of).

I have had many jobs. Do I really want any job this much? Answer: no. However, I will fill out the forms anyway, because I must be employed. And even though I am already employed, the only reason I am employed is because I am constantly seeking employment and applying for jobs.

If there were some other better option I wished to entertain, I would be entertaining it. I like my job life now, but it is important to remember that most job life sucks, even when you like it. I don't believe in running away, and anyway, anyone who's ever run away knows that running away is impossible. Most problems resurface eventually, despite geography.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

We still have a few more days of vacation



But we're back in North County. I'll write a proper reading/travel report tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Actually, there's more to be said about this, but I'm on vacation.

Portland, my Portland, my eyebrows are changing color. They used to be dark brown and they are now approaching dirty blonde. What does this mean?

The sun came out today.

Mark and I had fun at our reading. Compare Portland to DC.

We had fun on Monday and today, also.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Mark & I are reading in Portland this Sunday evening

Mark Wallace & K. Lorraine Graham

Sunday, March 25th
7:30 pm
New American Art Union
922 SE Ankeny
$5 suggested donation

Mark Wallace's books include Nothing Happened and Besides I Wasn't There; Sonnets of a Penny-A-Liner; and Temporary Worker Rides A Subway. He is the author of a multi-genre work, Haze, and a novel, Dead Carnival. With Steven Marks, he edited Telling It Slant: Avant Garde Poetics of the 1990s. Forthcoming in 2007 is a book of short stories, Walking Dreams, and in 2008 a book of poems, Felonies of Illusion. He is currently Assistant Professor of Creative Writing at California State University San Marcos.

K. Lorraine Graham is the author of two chapbooks: Dear [Blank] I Believe in Other Worlds (Phylum) and Terminal Humming (Slack Buddha). Moving Walkways, a full-length chapdisk, was recently released from Narrowhouse Recordings. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Area Sneaks, WOMB, Foursquare, My Spaceship, Magazine Cypress, H u n d r e d s, MiPoesias Magazine, No Tell Motel, Rock Heals, Take-Home Project, and elsewhere.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

And the Emu

I am going to wear dark colors in Portland this weekend and next week! I am so excited about dark colors and fake mod-looking pants. I am going to wear fake mod pants in Portland. And boots. I will not wear yoga clothes there, except to do yoga or sleep.

The search for the next Pussycat Doll is cult indoctrination. They are sleep deprived, they all stay in the same room, they have to recite sacred texts (Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me) over and over again.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Today, I am dressed like Robin Hood

Although I'm not wearing the right sort of hat. Somewhere, maybe at my Mom's house, I have a Robin Hood hat. I played Robin hood in a 6th grade production of "Robin du Bois." It was in French and produced in a Protestant church.

I graded all day today. And then participated in a conference call. Dressing like Robin Hood makes me feel like my life is more exciting and daring than it really is.

I did go to yoga. I can nearly go backwards from standing into urdva danurasana. I tried it today and almost made it. I would have fallen on my head, but someone was spotting me. I actually think that having a spot messes me up, because I get all worried about them.

I enjoy being upside down.

I am strong, but not very flexible--except in my back and feet.

My teachers say I have a lot of masculine energy. Ah, content-free binaries.

Monday, March 19, 2007

So, the next time you see me, and it's clear that I'm wearing false eyelashes, think "ethical text."

Today someone came into the studio to buy yoga mats, looked around, and then asked us about the pictures of naked women she'd heard about. We do, in fact, have pictures of naked women in various asanas on the walls of our studio. Many. I found it interesting that the woman had heard of them, but did not notice them on the walls (there are seven in the boutique alone) until I pointed them out. She didn't mind them, she said, as long as they were tasteful and there were no nipples showing. But there are nipples in some of them. Nipples seem to bother people. Even the word. Nipple. Nipple. Nipple.

1. Female nudes are mainstream, if you want to cause a stir, display pictures of nude men.
2. I am glad that there are no pictures of nude men at the studio.
3. Female nudes are mainstream because both women and men are used to thinking of women as sexual objects. Duh.
4. Whether or not being a nude woman or looking at nude women is empowering depends on all sorts of things, like how one comes to be the nude woman or the person looking at the nude woman.
5. As I've written before, breasts, whether they are displayed ironicaly, for art, or to convey some kind of spiritual ideal (or some combination of all this an more), are still sexual. This isn't neccessarily bad, but let's be clear. Sex and objectification doesn't go away.
6. Etc.

When I first started taking classes here, I noted the pictures. Most are black and white, or in sepia, with moody drapes and lighting. All of the nudes are women (although the photographer does have some male nudes as well). They're very stylized and slick. They're supposed to be celebratory and, I suppose, inspiring. I either ignore them or find myself staring at the models' breasts. If I were a teenager I might feel uncomfortable around them. So, the woman who came in wanted me to pass a long a formal complaint about them to the directors. They're not pornographic, but they are female nudes. A lot of people comment on the pictures, but this is the first time anyone has complained about them.

This ties in with something Nada wrote about a few days ago (and for some reason, the computer I'm on won't let me post a link just now, so I'll have to do that later). So I'll quote:

"Is my extreme self-consciousness in fact a kind of “false consciousness” (a phrase I was reminded of reading a review of abook on poverty in the Times today, in which a woman rationalizes her extreme poverty and alcoholism by saying that she must have committed some grave sins in previous lives)? Am I deceiving myself that I am reclaiming roses and ruffles, and that because everything I do is steeped in performative irony I am not buying into received notions of womanhood? That my parade of images of myself is not in fact a true narcissism but rather a going-to-extremes of self-consciousness in order to work through it, as an aspiring Buddhist might lose himself in alcohol and promiscuity on the way to enlightenment? Aw, hell."

I wrote about this in the dialogue Jessica and I published in Traffic--I'm interested in heightening the substantial gray area between what is real and what is artifice. This isn't an especially new Feminist tactic or anything. It's pretty basic, but I think that we (Feminist experimental poets) need to keep talking about performance, artifice, and recieved notions of womenhood--so I was especially happy to read Nada's post for that reason.

Again and again I rely on my ability to play (BE) a sweet, sunshiney, (and sometimes Californian) blonde as a way of manipulating recieved notions of womanhood, and recieved notions of what a Feminist, politically aware experimental poet should look and act like. Although manipulating it to what end, I'm not sure. Maybe it's just as simple as Kristeva's idea of an ethical text. Which, to generalize and paraphrase in Lorraine language, is just a text that makes the reader aware of how it is constructed. An ethical text says, "look, someone made me. Here are my seams, here is my form."

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Denunciation will make me powerful!

One of my students is headed back to Venezuela this weekend. She said if she ever starts her own company and becomes rich, she will be my patron.

Harlequin Knights reports that, at a recent UCLA lecture, Zizek castigated all the "experimental American poets" who are in love with Hugo Chavez. My student is not in love with Hugo Chavez and neither am I. Like Joseph, I wonder who he means. However, some of us must be prone to a romantic love of his rhetoric, that seems certain.

Here in the San Diego suburbs, having recently returned from a trip to Target, it's tempting to get all teary-eyed about Chavez addressing a crowd of protesters in his customary red shirt screaming "Gringo, go home!" or "Those who want to go directly to hell, they can follow capitalism" and "Those of us who want to build heaven here on earth, we will follow socialism."

This fire and brimstone rhetoric appeals to my Feminist WASP guilt complex. Yes, yes, I think, let the denunciations continue! Denounce me! I want to be denounced!

But I'm also tired, and have just had a big capitalist breakfast.

I work hard. And a lot. I want a big capitalist breakfast and also health care.

I wonder where a journal like Cross-Cultural Poetics might stand (or have stood) on loving Chavez or not. Has there been a recent issue of XCP?

In fact, what are the current magazines that feature a combination of poetry, critical pieces, reviews, and other stuff. I mean magazines in the tradition (if I can even say that) of XCP, Chain, Tripwire, Ecopoetics, Tinfish, Verdure, The Poker Magazine, Jacket, How2....

I have a copy of Pilot 2006 on my desk that I'm still going through. This might count. A fairly wide range of material. A fairly rigorous attempt at discussing poetics. Uneven but risky, so I like it.

Well. Given my list, it looks like that when I talk about magazines "that feature a combination of poetry, critical pieces, reviews, and other stuff" I often mean magazines connected to Buffalo. Or, magazines edited by people who are well versed in experimental poetics since 1920.

With the exception of Jacket and How2, I don't think any of the magazines above would make my favorites list. But Lorraine, what are your favorite contemporary magazines that are still active/in print? Um, um...

How2
Jacket
Foursquare
Tarpaulin Sky
Pilot
Big Bridge
Fiction International
Submodern Fiction (which, yes, Mark edits and I will soon co-edit and which is on hiatus but will have another issue by this fall)

Friday, March 16, 2007

Foggy

It, the fog, came in yesterday or the day before and hasn't gone out or up.

Today was the last day of the ESL session I've been teaching. I almost always find myself really liking my ESL students.

I'll be taking the next month off from ESL, but I'll still be teaching online & doing writing/editorial work and some design. But I need some head space. Mark and I are heading up to Portland next week to give readings and have fun. So I have several days to think about my own writing again and remember what it is.

Time for a beer. Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout. That's the only good thing about fog, it's better for drinking stout.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Last of the famous

I watched "America's Next Top Model" last week and that show about the Pussycat Dolls, who, I'll admit, I'd never even heard of until seeing the promotions for the show, although I did hear the "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" (which I often mis-speak as "don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me") song in Oman on New Years Eve at a bar full of equal parts rich British girls and their pretty boy boyfriends from Dubai spending a fashionable holiday in quaint, nearby Muscat, men in various forms of Islamic dress, prostitutes, and engineers (both men and women) from India. The dance floor was crowded and the grope-factor was high, so I stayed away. My kind hosts bought me a monstrously expensive scotch, which I didn't really drink because everyone else was super blasted, and I designated myself the designated driver.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Has anyone written about Jean Rhys and "I walked with a zombie"?

It is very spring-like here, but all those people in the water today without wetsuits are crazy.

Friday, March 09, 2007

The tactile need not be at the expense of the visual and vice versa et al

My hamstring attachment is feeling better, for now, but I haven't tried hanumanasana this week. Leaping between worlds requires a lot of flexibility, even if it's a figurative leap:
"It was the greatest leap ever taken. The speed of Hanuman's jump pulled blossoms and flowers into the air after him and they fell like little stars on the waving treetops. The animals on the beach had never seen such a thing; they cheered Hanuman, then the air burned from his passage, and red clouds flamed over the sky . . ."
Laura and Rodrigo gave a good reading (or good readings) to the largest crowd yet at CSUSM--almost 80 people. It was good to see them and talk poetry. I might even say that the conversation was pleasurable, stimulating, and productive.

This morning was not pleasurable, however.

Two of my students also ride the 302 bus and one asked me, "why are there so many insane on the bus," so I told her about the shelters, hospitals, drug rehabilitation centers, and women's shelters along the 302 route. She said she was "relieved" that there was a good explanation. "Relieved" was a vocabulary word this week, and I'm always happy when students find the exactly right moments to use new words. I think it makes them happy, too.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Moving Walkways / Rock Heals


I've got some poems and sound files from Moving Walkways, my recent chapdisk from narrow house recordings, as well as a few new poems and recordings up at Rock Heals this week.

I just got my copies of the chapdisk in the mail yesterday, and they really look beautiful, especially the hand letter pressed inserts from Newlights Press.

$7.00 plus $2.00 shipping and handling
if in maryland add .5% sales tax = $9.35 total


purchase any 2 narrow house titles for $20 (shipping included)
offer only good with check or money order

send check or money order along with your order form to

narrow house recordings
1 summerfield road
gwynn oak, maryland 21207

if you purchase more than one c.d. shipping is free
please include your full name address, phone number, and email,
how you heard about us and if you are interested in future projects.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Monday, March 05, 2007

It is March, and you are still cold and crazy

1. I'm going to be making designs for the Yoga Center that will eventually be silk screened (by someone other than me) onto T-shirts. Bring on the scalable vector files!

2. My left sit bone attachment--i.e. the top of my hamstring, where it connects to my femur/thighbone--is sore. Really really sore. It is usually sore, but not usually really really sore.

3. I am wearing contacts. This is new for me. I think that not wearing glasses makes me look tired. Now that I wear contacts, I need to learn more about eye makeup. Other than day-old mascara, I don't really have the necessary techniques down.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Mom and I visited Mission San Luis Rey.

Mom, Mark and I visited the Zoo.

A good visit!

Now, it's back to grading and cleaning, booking tickets to Portland.

Santa Annas are here, briefly, so it's warm and dry.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Happy Ayyam-i-Ha!

Mom's here, and we spent a pleasant morning in La Jolla.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I miss being called whitey

When, oh when, will high-waisted pants trickle down to plebeian fashion? I feel like I've been seeing them on models in magazines for at least the past three years, and yet there is still no Gap high-waisted jean, no high-waisted trouser from Express. Target, where are you in all of this? I've had enough of sheer jersey! I love high-waisted pants, as long as they're cut slim, although it's ok if they have straight legs. They make fairly short individuals like me look tall(er)!

I had a pair of brown velvet high-waisted pants, but they were vintage and they've ripped and are unwearable. I have some deep navy high-waisted sailor pants (you know, with the buttons in front), but they are made of wool, and really not practical for California.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Today, I tried to spell fluctuate as "fluxuate."

Mark's home!

I bought a TV guide this week because I didn't try to buy a paper until late on Sunday and of course all the papers were gone because everyone bought one for the Oscars coverage and predictions etc. It felt weird to buy a TV guide.

Also, today I actually enjoyed driving to and from work. It was raining. In other parts of the county it was snowing. None of my students had heard of Sinatra's "Lady is a Tramp," but they did appreciate my explanation of the line "hate California, it's cold and it's damp." But I had to explain the word "tramp" and also the positive connotation of "lady" first.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Would someone please create a citrus scent that lasts?

I admire and respect people who can throw good parties. I also admire and respect people who have fun at parties.

Also, letterpresses and letterpressed things. And not just the inserts to my CD, either.

Platforms. They give hight, but it is still possible to walk in them. They are not so good for driving, however.

I'm certain Lester is now saying "You be good," which is what I say to him as I head out the door.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Except for the sound of a metronome.


Any kind of rhythmic tapping sound upsets me. My brother drove me to tears once by tapping on the car window while we waited in the bank parking lot for our mother. I suppose I was older than six but younger than eleven.

This is cheesy, but during savasana after a restorative yoga class this evening, I had a memory of leaving New Zealand shortly after my parents divorced. I remembered green. The carpet in the Auckland airport is green, and the landscape of New Zealand is green. The view out the windows of the Auckland airport, even, is lush. Tropical even though the trees are mostly deciduous. So, green, and a vaguely cliche phrase my father said which I've often repeated but only just realized was something he said then at that particular moment: "I hate goodbyes." I haven't thought of this in ages, maybe ever, so I'm writing it publicly so I can't say I never thought it.

No wonder I am obsessed with airports. I have no idea why rhythmic tapping upsets me--now, it reminds me that time is passing, but when I was somewhere between six and eleven, why did it upset me so much?

Friday, February 23, 2007

Various Ye Haws


Ye haw #1: The letter pressed inserts for my chapdisk, Moving Walkways, from narrow house recordings are finished, which means the CD is finished, which means you can get a copy!

Ye haw #2: Mark and I are reading in the Spare Room series in Portland on March 25. This is kind of a ways away, but I am still happy about it!

Ye haw#3: Smoked salmon is good!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ah, Maureen Dowd, I don't always agree with you,

but I agree with most of your opinion on chick-lit.

But I haven't read The Devil Wears Prada or the Bridgette Jones Diaries. I don't drink cosmopolitans, though I'm sure I would like them well enough, and I never watched Sex and the City. One day, I met my friend for coffee, and she said she was worried about moving because she needed her Sex in the City lifestyle.

I tried to read romance novels for a while but couldn't. My friends are perhaps bored of me saying this, but even the story about the romance between the vampire and the Buddhist monk ended in marriage.

Chick lit is different from romance, though. The heroines of romance novels are usually virgins until they meet their future husband. Or, at the very least, the hero has to be the genesis of some kind of standard sexual awakening for the heroine. The romance novel heroine can be a princess or a peasant, but her hero is generally a man of power. Chick-lit heroines are urban, in their 20s and 30s, wealthy or on their way to being wealthy, hyper-conscious of their image, and sexually promiscuous even as they long for stability and a fairly generic sort of man to save the day.

I'm not anti-genre fiction, you all know that I read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy. Traditionally, these genres have tended to simply leave women out: The Lord of the Rings isn't a story about girls or women, duh. But thanks to writers like Anne McCaffrey, Robin McKinley, and Marion Zimmer Bradley and endless more, I can read stories about women who travel to far away places and save the word. And yes, usually there is romance, but the heroine and hero get to save the world together.

So, no Sex in the City or cosmopolitans for me. And no chick-lit. Basically, no stories about women learning to become happy heterosexual capitalists (although I make semi-exceptions for Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice). Oh, the endless self-obsessing. Does he like me? Doesn't he like me? Which man (among the endless options of boring men) should I sleep with? Which boring rich man (who is also sensitive and artistic) should I eventually marry and have babies with after I fuck a lot of these other boring men? Ugh!

I never read coming of age books either. I started to read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Heidi, Little Women Under the Lilacs, Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie, etc but found them boring, yes, even Little Women, G-d forgive me. These books are all much better though, than romance novels and chick lit. I like Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice better than all these books, but not nearly as much as Wuthering Heights or House of Mirth.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The virgin birth of five Komodo dragons....


How could I have missed this news?

Somehow, Flora, a Komodo dragon at Chester Zoo in northern England became pregnant. She's never even been "exposed" to a male komodo dragon.

"While it wasn't unusual for female dragons to lay eggs without mating, scientists understood they were witnessing something important when they realized Flora's eggs had been fertilized.

"DNA paternity tests confirmed the lack of male input, although the brood are not exact clones of their mother."

Thanks to Susan Smith Nash for pointing it out.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

We're back at home. Things seem more or less ok. It smells weird.

Monday, February 19, 2007

I don't think my ESL students are going to go for the unit on Jimmy Carter.


It is raining and it is Monday. But not everywhere. The special collections at UMD on Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven and this.

I am trying to read Alma because I am writing a revew for Traffic.

Friday, February 16, 2007

We are preparing to leave the building this weekend while management pumps toxic gas into it to kill termites. Bagging up all of our dry food and the food in the fridge and the freezer is a pain.

Also, I bashed my knee this morning. It is fine now, but I hobbled through teaching. It wasn't as bad as the time I burned my hand and went to teach with it in a bag of frozen tater tots, however.

Lester is a young male bird in springtime with no girl bird to love. He's been a bit overwrought, and last night he sang rather loudly to his rainbow colored chew toy. I wonder if Arnold, the parrotlete Ryan lives with, ever gets this way. It's supposed to be quite common for parrotletes and amazons.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

It is February, and you are cold and going crazy

In Southern California, it is relatively warm. Also, I don’t hate my work life and I love my boyfriend.

Actually, today it is quite warm. And tomorrow it will be 75.

One of my students wanted to talk about Man Ray yesterday. We were talking about Ford Economics and the 1920s, and he said, "But what about art and culture in the US then? What about Dada and Surrealism?" Bless you, my ESL students!

As Mark and I were driving to the restaurant for a post-reading dinner, we saw short man in a green hooded sweatshirt with bunnies all over it. Also, he was wearing a backwards baseball cap. He was crossing the road into the shopping center.

As I was riding home from teaching today, I rode through town and picked up some millet for Lester. While waiting for the light to change, a woman looked at me suspiciously. Or at least she squinted her eyes and shook her head a bit. Then, she said, "Shouldn't you be in school?" I looked at her and said, "I wish I were still in school." Then the light changed.

Today, as I was running, a guy stuck his head out of his silver pickup truck and yelled "Yeaaahhhh Bluuuueeeee!" I was wearing a blue shirt.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Mark and I celebrate our anniversary on Valentine's Day, because that really is our anniversary,

and it's all because of an anti-Valentine's Day party. I ignored other would-be suitors and instead told Mark about the research I was doing for my thesis on Yakub Beg and Kashgaria's diplomatic relationship with the British in India. I already liked him, but the fact that he was actually interested in Yakub Beg didn't hurt. So every year we celebrate: today we celebrated by getting up very early and going to work and then going to a reading. We like to extend our celebrations over the course of a week, so we'll probably make some dinner tomorrow and exchange tokens of esteem.

As I've already mentioned, one of Mark's best qualities is the fact that he is not passive-aggressive. He does not get upset about something and then pretend to not be upset while he does nasty pesky things meant to be annoying. So, perhaps it's a strange quality to love in a person, but I really really appreciate the fact that Mark understands anger and hostility, because this means that he doesn't take his anger and hostility out on other people.

Mark is also a very good writer. I could not love a writer without loving their work. I like the fact that Mark is interested in both lyricism and social & political critique, but that these things don't occur in the work as either strident statements or abstract longings.

Mark is a good organizer. He's confident enough to get off his ass and do things--another quality I love. Like all of us, Mark does his share of complaining, but he doesn't whine. If Mark throws a party, it is a good party. He works well with others who are also willing to get off their ass. When he throws a party, he teams up with other people, and they throw a good party together. He starts reading series.

He talks to people he doesn't know at readings because he wants them to come back if they want to come back. He pays attention to social contexts outside of his immediate poetry and academic contexts.
We're going to hear Heriberto Yepez this afternoon at UCSD. I've been looking forward to this reading for a while, even if it does come in the middle of a ridiculously busy week! Too many late nights and early mornings for both Mark and I. I mostly know Yepez' critical work. I still haven't bought his book from Heretical Texts, Wars. Threesomes. Drafts. & Mothers, but I probably will this afternoon.

This from Yepez' "Translation as Matricide (the Sequal!)" Originaly in Chain #10:
Translation should become the transformation of one first language into (at least) two other languages.
Translation as the practice where the permanent presence of the first language takes place in the context of a second language.
Or this from "On Character"
“autobiography”. we should read this term the other way around, and say something like this: writing is always autobiographical. never writing on me. but: graphos (text) constructing bios (life) that appears as auto (on-itself). autobiography: language writing on itself and thus becoming “alive”.
and also this:
a character is not getting away from us, nor going (more) inside. none of us can be written. in order for “us” to be written (down) (=subjected) (controlled), in order for any of “us” to become text / even just one /, (we) need the presence of the others, their co-existence, due to the ghostly fact that there’s no single-one. no-one (none) can be written. always some of us left behind.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mark is my favorite because he is not passive aggressive.

He is also the best because he likes animals and watching animal shows with me.

Also, he has a wide-ranging taste in music, and understands that while I like avant-garde jazz very much, I don't always want to listen to Sun Ra at the end of the day.

Mark does not make fun of me for spending an hour in the bathroom applying flash eyelashes which is about how long it takes me--I can never get the knack of those things!

He supported my decision to not look for a regular office job when I moved here, even though I was worried that I wouldn't be able to piece together an income from freelance work. Several times, when I interviewed for perfectly decent full-time jobs that I didn't want, he supported my decision not to take them.

Also, Mark encourages nap-taking in the middle of the day, especially when I've been up late but had to work early.

Long post that probably no one will comment on

I think precision in poetics these days is rather difficult (this post will illustrate that it is at least difficult for me), although that doesn't mean it doesn't exist or isn't important. I feel like I could (should) write an essay about the lack of precision in our generation's poetics. Of course, there's value in a lack of precision too, as long as it's intentional. I think.

Instead of writing that essay I will blog about Flarf, because for me it's a useful current example of a poetry that often successfully combines/draws from a variety of experimental contexts and techniques and does so with awareness.

The idea of Flarf does seem to encourage fairly strong responses. Combining procedural techniques and an awareness of the relationship between structure and meaning with any content you and Google can find (and any other substitutions & changes you want) and then delivering it all in a poem packed with satire and a good dose of New York school wit and energy on the level of the line (and possibly a performance that emphasizes artifice) is clearly threatening.

I wonder if people come into contact with Flarf just aren't familiar with the histories of procedural work, Language poetry, and 1rst and 2nd generation New York School. Sometimes I feel like people get fussy about Flarf because it's something they heard about at a party in New York and think it has some kind of widespread popularity. I suppose Flarf is increasingly popular, and it's gotten critical attention, but let's keep things in perspective. It's not taking over the poetry world anymore than Language poetry has really taken over the academy. I'm kind of pessimistic. I don't think poetry really takes over anything, I tend to think it gets let in from time to time, and in between those moments it's usually squashed or (more likely now) ignored.

For those of us who are very familiar with the histories of procedural work, Language poetry, New York School, and most US and European avant-garde movements and lineages since 1800 onwards (ok, so maybe I'm still working on developing that level of familiarity)...well, a lack of familiarity obviously isn't a factor in our various reactions to Flarf. For me, I initially didn't think of Flarf as being something unique, although now I think it can be.

However, I'll pause to note an obvious point--just because you're (we're) writing work that might be considered avant-garde or experimental doesn't mean that you (we) necessarily understand the history and context of the kind of work you are making. We have to keep reading/ looking/ listening.

One of the first mature poems I wrote, (which is in my chapbook, Large Waves to Large Obstacles, forthcoming from Take Home Project etc etc) was a procedural translation of a Chinese character. I did this because I wanted to write a poem and I was studying Chinese, not because I knew anything about the history of procedural work, or translation, or Ezra Pound, or Orientalism. But all of these contexts of which I was more or less unaware still come to bear on the poem, whether I want them to or not.

I'm going to reminisce and say that one day Katie, Drew, Rod, Tom, possibly Ryan & Cathy and perhaps other people came over to our place to watch something. Sports. It wasn't the Superbowl. I think it was spring, so it was probably baseball. I can't remember why Katie and Drew were in DC. I remember nothing about the occasion, except that we watched some sports, talked about Flarf, and that Mark and I didn't have very much furniture. And then I got a chapbook from Casey in the mail--a poem written with Google search results from the phrase "And then I wrote." It was all very sweet and lyric as I remember it, actually. Sometime after that I heard him give a reading from Deer Head Nation and I thought that the poems were funny and scary.

Prior to Flarf being called Flarf and developing into itself (?!), several people were having fun playing around with search engines and automatic translations. One I remember is Juliana Spahr's We Are All . . ., a chapbook from 1999, a series of poems made by moving notes she'd made back and forth through a machine translator--English-French etc. This seems like a contradiction, but when I heard/read Deer Head Nation (I keep going back to that book because it was my first major experience reading and hearing Flarf), I didn't think anything technically new was happening--I thought "oh, process, Google, someone has made a book of poems using these things we've been playing with on the Internet. Interesting!" At the same time, the tone and content of the poems, I thought, was noticeably different from a kind if witty, politically aware irony of writers whose work I already enjoyed like Kevin Davies and Tim Davis. Maybe other people had a similar reaction?

Most of the procedural work I can think of, with the exception of Flarf, doesn't tend to be especially interested in satire, although it is sometimes funny. Actually, I should say that, with the exception of some contemporary procedural work, most procedural work (I can think of) isn't satirical. I don't think "MacLow" and then "Satire." I think the fact that Flarf is usually both procedural and satirical is probably worth noting.

Lester preens. I am going to take a nap soon. Also, I will brush my teeth.