Friday, June 22, 2007

So everything is normal.

I'm looking forward to seeing friends this weekend and to cooking. We do a pretty good job of managing to see and hang out with people around here--a very good job, actually--but the kind of casual socializing that comes with living in a city/not having to drive to get everywhere and knowing people a long time is tougher. There's now an age issue as well: it's harder to become friends with adults. But today I'm feeling optimistic about Carlsbad--I've felt alienated and alone (but not necessarily unhappy, no no no) everywhere I've ever lived, regardless of the number of friends and colleagues I've had around.

The hives persist. It is vaguely comforting to read that, in many cases, not even a doctor can figure out the source of them. I suspect it's a cocktail of several things (as Anne suggested in my comment box a few days ago).

I'm sure it's not just something I'm eating. But if it is something I'm eating, it has to be something that I eat on a regular basis. I'm quite attentive to food, I know what I've eaten, and I haven't eaten anything out of the ordinary. But it took years for my shellfish allergy to become bad enough to obviously be an allergy, so maybe that's the case here. This makes me nervous, though. I don't want to stop eating cheese, nuts, tomatoes, eggs, or any of those common triggers. But obviously I will if I have to. Blech. Really, I'd rather have my body manifest its sensitivity in other ways.


mark wallace said...

It's funny how much pressure there is on people to insist that they're happy. That may be especially true in the U.S., but I'm not sure. But there's no doubt that the relation between happiness and success means that one has to constantly assert happiness, since unhappiness is equivalent to failure.

I've been deeply unhappy most of my life, but on the other hand, being able to admit that has allowed me to really enjoy myself, quite often. I'm wary of folks who assert their happiness; the assertion so often seems transparently a need. I'd rather get involved in what's happening than prove to anybody that I'm too happy to need it.

Ah, my dear! We may not be happy always, but we're enjoying ourself so much despite it. Happy several-week-birthday to you!

And thanks so much to all of the rest of you for your good wishes.

DUSIE said...

i sometimes get hives on the inside of my is totally one thing, nerves! it's like i can will them to be there (but of course wouldn't if I realized i was doing it) are you super-stressed? do you have deadlines looming which might figure in? just an idea... tho the food thing is definitely a high possibility seeing that you have other allergies.... ( O )

Small Fry said...

You've seen the tourist commerical for San Diego: "365 days of Ahhh!"

Yes, realizing that I frequently feel terrible and that I have good reasons to feel terrible has, well, made me happier.

Small Fry said...

And Susana, I think stress is a big part of my hives. It's not the only thing, but it's the 3rd magic ingredient that will make me get hives if I don't have them already.

Perhaps I just need to be overtly angry more often.

Ann_Bogle said...

Lorraine, in treating your hives, beware of corticosteroid ointments. Jane Pauley learned she had manic-depression following a bout of hives (treated by a steroid cream), followed by depression (treated by anti-depressant), followed by a type of mania (resulting in diagnosis), followed by memoir (resulting in loss of TV show!) Poor her husband Gary Trudeau. Her mania (prior to dx) manifested in her desire to launch a fashion label.

My own story might be somewhat related, but I didn't know the connection between corticosteroids & underlying m-d until many, many years later. My manifestation (prior to dx) was "too many boyfriends."

I have eczema, and over the years, despite great counsel from dermatologists & safer treatments, the very best treatment for it has been (and works beautifully to completely control it -- it's on my face!):

Evening Primrose Oil
Vit. E
B Complex